The Pains of Love

“Pains of Love be sweeter far than all other pleasures are” –John Dryden

                When I was expecting my first I was forewarned, by other parents, of the sleepless nights, the constant fatigue, the endless dirty diapers, and all the never-ending pains of being a parent. I’ll have to kiss my social life good-bye. Ah and enjoy my sleep while I still can before the baby arrives. Oh and be ready for those tantrums. Don’t forget you’ll never sleep. You just wait for the terrible two’s, three’s, four’s, and then adolescence (do they ever stop being terrible?). And don’t forget the sleepless nights. I can’t help but feel like all these warnings are a kind of hazing ritual for new parents.

                Why do some parents make parenting sound like such a horror story? I agree I do look like something out of a zombie movie sometimes but in all fairness that happened when I was in college too after some particularly long nights of partying. But really, note to all expecting first time parents; parenthood is not a horror movie. It’s more of a gut-wrenching romantic comedy. Yes there’ll be less sleep which results in fatigue. There will be tons of wet diapers some of which will make it on to your person. There will be spit-up, buggers, snot, and some things you’ll never quite figure out. There will be tons of energy (in their part not yours) and tantrums which, surprise, will result in fatigue. Just like the characters in romantic comedies, you’ll cry, laugh, scream, laugh some more, but mostly you’ll be in love.

                I am a mother of two now and I when I think back on these warnings I can’t help but giggle. It must be a hazing ritual in order to make you expect the worse so that when the baby finally arrives you’re pleasantly surprised. Waking up in the middle of the night to feed your baby is not as sadistic as it’s made up to be. In fact in the quiet of the night, when it’s just you and your baby, you’ll want to freeze time, pluck it from the clock and put it in your pocket to remember it forever. Some of the best stories you’ll tell in the years to come will involve the pee, the poo, the throw up, the buggers, or the chocolate (I really hope it’s chocolate) mess in their face. What about the tantrums? Well let us be quite honest here. We deal with people’s tantrums all the time at least children have the excuse of being children, that’s how they express frustration. All of these little things that people might see as pains are the physical evidence of a parents love for their child.  That is why there’s usually an endearing cliché followed after this list of pains, and that is “I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!”